Overview

While the United States federal government is undoubtedly hard at work attempting to solve many national problems, one devastating issue is flying under their radar. It is estimated that at least 25,000,000 people - about 70% of whom are American - have dropped, thrown, or otherwise transferred their contact juggling devices known as ‘Fushigi’ balls into the unexplored ocean. This may seem insignificant to the community at large, but it is widely accepted that contact juggling, as a sport and a hobby, greatly contributes to a user’s happiness and generally improves their mental health. In fact, while seemingly obsolete to the general public due to lack of television and internet coverage, contact juggling is the #3 most popular sport in the world for those very reasons. Originally sold for $19.99 on television infomercials, Fushigi balls were seemingly treasured by those who invested their hard-earned money into the devices and eventually lost at sea. Unfortunately,no effort has been made to retrieve these from the depths and return them to their rightful owners. With this new information that has for some reason been kept a secret, I’m sure you and most Americans would agree that this is a national tragedy and needs to be solved.

Chim Richalds